She’s been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she’s very tired.
My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I’ve been Earth’s one and only… Wonder-Sparkle Princess.
she’s been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren’t giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they’ve added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don’t interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her*
Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he’s dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can’t save you if you interrupt her rare vacations
Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people’s hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can’t, got a PTA meeting.
Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.
Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor’s heart with hatred then?
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That’d be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!
Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How’s the husband? Still dead?
Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don’t mess with my time off :p
Why are people tagging this ’#wonder sparkle princess’ like that’s a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?
Congratulations on inventing a new tumblr deity!!
She isn’t 29 years old. She’s been a magical girl for 29 years. If she started at 14 (typical magical girl protagonist age) then she’d be 43.
I just watched Hot Fuzz again and I need to talk about it.
The writers for Hot Fuzz have said several times that Nicolas originally had a female love interest but she took up too much time without being connected to the murder plot so they removed her completely and instead gave her core dialogue and scenes to Danny, making him the love interest.
The movie constantly makes connections between Danny and Nicolas’ ex-girlfriend. For example, she complained about Nicolas forgetting her birthday so later on Nicolas panics when nobody told him it was Danny’s birthday. She told him he has to find someone he can love more than work and by the end he chose Danny over working in London. He gifts Danny flowers and wins him a stuffed toy. They spend the night out together followed by Danny inviting Nicolas home. They have a romantic theme that only plays during their emotional scenes. We even see the exact moment Nicolas realise he’s in love with Danny when the old lady asks if he’s buying flowers for a special someone and he says “….Yes” with a shy little smile.
The only thing missing is an actual kiss but in the Cornetto trilogy romantic relationships are rarely sealed with a kiss. In Shaun of The Dead the main romantic couple Shaun and Liz never kissed once and they had as much physical contact as Nicolas and Danny.
It’s funny to watch this movie and realise it has more queer content than some more modern movies and shows that are hailed as good queer media.
Like, I’ve never heard anyone accuse Hot Fuzz of queerbaiting but because it treats Nicolas and Danny’s relationship the same way most movies treat straight romances in the genre (it was literally originally written as a straight romance) people just didn’t notice it was a queer movie or thought it was a joke on homoerotic buddy cop movies. If it came out today it would absolutely be on the queer movie list.
for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’
jerry is here
my chinese teacher once shared this story in class about someone who went to the grocery to buy chicken, but they forgot the english word for it, so they grabbed an egg, went to the nearest sales lady and said “where’s the mother”
When I was a teenager, we went to Italy for the summer holidays. We are German, neither of us speaks more than a few words of Italian. That didn’t keep my family from always referring to me when they wanted something translated because “You’re so good with languages and you took Latin”. (I told them a hundred times I couldn’t order ice cream in Latin, they ignored that.) Anyway, my dad really loved a certain cheese there, made from sheep’s milk. He knew the Italian word for ‘cheese’ – formaggio – and he knew how to say ‘please’. And he had already spotted a little shop that sold the cheese. He asked me what ‘sheep’ was in Italian, and of course, I had no idea. So he just shrugged and said “I’ll manage” and went into the shop. 5 mins later, he comes out with a little bag, obviously very pleased with himself. How did he manage it? He had gone in and said “'Baaaah’ formaggio, prego.”
I was done for the day.
This makes me feel better about every conversation I had in both Rome and Ghent.
I once lost my husband in the ruins of a French castle on a mountain, and trotted around looking for him in increasing desperation. “Have you seen my husband?” I asked some French people, having forgotten all descriptive words. “He is small, and English. His hair is the color of bread.”
I did not find my husband in this way.
In rural France it is apparently Known that one brings one’s own shopping bags to the grocery store. I was a visitor and had not been briefed and had no shopping bag. I saw that other people were able to conduct negotiations to purchase shopping bags, but I could not remember the word for “bag.”
“Can I have a box that is not a box,” I said.
The checkout lady looked extremely tired and said, “Un sac?” (A sack?)
Of course. A fucking sack. And so I did get a sack.
I once was at a German-American Church youth camp for two weeks and predictably, we spoke a whole lot of English.
When I phoned my mom during week two I tried to tell her that it was a bit cold in the sleeping bag at night. I stumbled around the word in German because for the love of god, I could remember the Germwn word for sleeping bag.
“Yeah so, it’s like a bag you sleep in at night?”
“And my mother must probably have thought I lost my mind. She just sighed and was like ‘So, a Schlafsack, yes?”
Which is LITERALLY Sleeping sac … The German word is a basically a one on one translation of the English word and I just… I failed it. At my mother tongue. BIG
My former boss is Italian and she ended up working in a lab where the common language was English. She once saw an insect running through the lab and she went to tell her colleagues. She remembered it was the name of a famous English band so she barged in the office yelling there was a rolling stone in the lab…
I’m Spanish and have been living in the UK for a while now. I recently changed jobs and moved to a new office which is lost somewhere in the Midlands’ countryside. It’s a pretty quaint location, surrounded by forest on pretty much all sides, and with nice grounds… full of pheasants. I was pretty shocked when I drove in and saw a fucking pheasant strolling across the road. Calm as you please.
That afternoon I met up with some friends and was talking about the new job, and the new office, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember the English word for pheasants. So I basically ended up bragging to my friends about “the very fancy chickens” we had outside the office.
Best thing is, everyone understood what I meant.
I love those stories so much…
Picture a Jewish American girl whose grasp of the Hebrew language comes from 10+ years of immersion in Biblical and liturgical Hebrew, not the modern language. Some words are identical, while others have significantly evolved.
She gets to Israel and is riding a bus for the very first time.
American: כמה ממון זה? (”How much money?” but in rather archaic language)
Bus Driver: שתי זוזים. (”Two zuzim” – a currency that’s been out of circulation for millenia)
that’s hilarious
I am officially screamlaughing at my desk from that last one OH MY
Does everyone know the prime minister who promised to fuck the country?
So in Biblical Hebrew the word for penis and weapon are the same. There is a verb meaning to arm, which modern Hebrew semanticly drifted into “fuck”: i.e. give someone your dick.
The minister was making a speech while a candidate, bemoning the state of the world. “The Soviet Union is fucking Egypt. Germany is fucking Syria. The Americans are fucking everyone. But who is fucking us? When I am prime minister, I will ensure we are fucked!”
What the hell Biblical Hebrew.
Just guessing: The path from something like “give someone a blade” to “give someone a blade, if you know what I mean ;)” is probably not that difficult or unlikely.
^Given that the Latin word for sheath (like, for a sword) is literally “vagina”, I can verify that this metaphor is a time-honored one.
Oh yeah and one time my Latin professor was at this conference in Greece and his flight was canceled, so he needed to extend his hotel stay by one more night.
Except he doesn’t speak a lick of modern Greek, and the receptionist couldn’t speak English. Or French. Or German. Or Italian. (He tried all of them.)
Finally, in a fit of inspiration, he went upstairs and got his copy of Medea in the original Greek (you know, the stuff separated from modern Greek by two and a half thousand years). He found the passage where Medea begs Jason to let her stay for one more day, went downstairs, and read it to the receptionist.
She laughed her head off, but she gave him the extra night.
Reblogged just for Medea
The way I have to find anything on this website. Hair the color of bread, me, 2016.
i’m helping out at a creative writing workshop for uhhh i think 10-12s? 10-14s? idk. but that age range. and anyways
a) i forgot how fun this is
b) it’s really hard not to like, re-write for them and stick to just “hey add descriptions here, change this grammar, really cool ideas!” bc i’m an adult and not trying to talk over/railroad these kids, but i’m just so excited for their ideas!!!
c) little boys write cool stuff like “what if we went to mars but it sucked so we left, but left behind all our technology and the technology rose up and created its own society and then went to war with us for abandoning them? what if transformers had 100x the war crimes? what if the earth blew up. what if we were the robots all along?”
d) little girls out here writing like “aunt melanie’s skin was sloughing off the bones as her beloved dogs tore her apart, turning on her in blind animal instinct. the second she stopped providing food, she became food.” and a lot of body horror and dark themes about group pacts and betrayals and ritualistic murder/sacrifices. like a lot
there’s a board filled with dozens and dozens of little construction paper thought bubbles that have some pretty generic plot points in them (what if there were aliens? what if you time travelled? what is true love? what if you could talk to animals? kinda stuff) and we encouraged them to write at least a paragraph for each one and not just pick the one that sounded coolest, just to see what sparks inspiration.
EVERY single little girl took the ‘fall in love one’ and did something unconventional with it.
some of them were stories about self-empowerment and falling in love with yourself, or falling in love with the mundane, life itself, a pet, a garden, a hobby, just loving being alive! (😭🥺🥰)
but a lot of them were deeply fucked up stories about like “what if you fall in love with a guy but he doesn’t like you the same amount back, so you biopsy his liver (??) because you found an old polish love potion/spell, but it backfires like some kinda djinn wish and you actually mind control him and it takes you years to notice that you’re whole love life has been a deception bc you accidentally turned on god mode without realizing it, and now you’re questioning if you’re even lovable at all bc this is the only person you’ve ever allowed to love you, and it wasn’t even real, so now you’re spiralling into a breakdown, but that old polish spell book you buried under a tree is whispering your name so you try to fix it and make everything worse?”
me, turning to the teacher who is also doing this: hey so, i’m personally really cool with the tone and direction these girls take, but is any of this? how you say… a red flag?
teacher: little girls have really rich inner lives to combat the way they’re puppeted by society in real life. they’ll learn to censor it out in a couple years, but it doesn’t go away.
me, who was also a weird little girl who phased in and out of weirdness depending on social settings: nice.
Update: the children have discovered collaborative writing, plunging their weirdness to new depths via team effort.
they are now creating a story/comic(/movie??) that seems to be a thinly veiled allegory for killing authority figures via psychic powers gained through a ring tainted with frog poison that also kills the wearer, but you can only kill one other person so its a 1:1 death ratio/murder-suicide for the greater good, so the characters start out willingly sacrificing themselves to 'rid the world of evil’ but, like all things of this nature, it becomes corrupt and they start forcing people to do psychic murders
The Good Place characters and how fast they’d pick up on Dracula
Eleanor: If Eleanor came to Transylvania on a business trip it was definitely a scam on her part to begin with, so her mental transition would be going from “I am scamming this rich old guy” to “Maybe this rich old guy is scamming me?” She’d figure it out, but the question is whether she’d do so before throwing herself headlong into seduction by the vampire brides.
Chidi: On the one hand, Chidi would be desperately trying not to judge Dracula for different cultural customs and be polite to the point of endangering himself. On the other hand, William Jackson Harper said Chidi would have survived Midsommar because he would have bolted the second things started to get weird, so by that logic he might have just frozen in place when the villagers warned him about the castle, panicked about whether it was worse to break his business promises or offend their cultural customs, and not gotten on the carriage.
Tahani: Tahani wants to make a good impression on aristocracy. Tahani is doomed.
Jason: I actually think Jason would figure out that Dracula was bad news pretty quickly, just not necessarily that he was a vampire. He’d start by going everywhere he wasn’t supposed to, learn this dude is some kind of serial killer kingpin, and then when Dracula says “You can go but there are wolves outside!” Jason would say “Sweet, bro!” and go out and get eaten by wolves.
im the only sensitive white boy in this club with long flowing hair and no eyebrows
we’re going to transition you 🏳️⚧️
oh fuck im being forcibly feminized by a girl on the internet for being a feminine man *turns to camera* this is a real issue you could face. do you know the risks?
here’s to fat butches, fat femmes and every fat lesbian ever. there is a concept of all butches needing to be muscular and rugged, when many are soft and fat and just as good. there is a concept of all femmes needing to be thin and delicate, when many are big, fat, round, and tough. any lesbian can come in any size. all my love goes to fat dykes
